What is it with our fascination with apocalyptic scenarios? Maybe it's just me, but when I sit down and watch The Walking Dead I'm so enthralled, so enchanted that I can't stop putting myself into that scenario hours after the episode has ended. (Click here if you don't know anything about the zombie-filled TV series based on the graphic novel created by Robert Kirkman. Click here to see a behind-the-scenes clip of the making of the ultimate-zombie slaying Hyundai Elantra.)
Is it the fact that I would never have any more bills to pay? I mean that's really, REALLY tempting. Oh, just the mere glimpse of the thought that my student loans could be absolved... no more monthly credit card bill. Mortgage. What mortgage? I see, I take, it's mine. Give me a McMansion in some sleepy suburb where I can hide out for a few months, maybe more. I could do some hunting. I've never shot a [real] gun before but don't let that stop my fantasy.
If I remember correctly, though, I am a pretty damn good shot. At least, I was when I was ten. In the snow-laden woods with my friend Travis and his new Christmas present. Does shooting a 1996 Chevy Blazer through 50 yards of woods after an hour of coming up empty-handed mean I'm a good shot? Well, if it does than I'm pretty sure I'd still be alive if I was in The Walking Dead. I'm resilient anyways. And I can run pretty well through the woods. The owner of that Chevy slammed on the brakes and Travis and I just took off as quickly as we could!
Sorry Chevy-owner, we do stupid things when we're kids.
I guess as some sort of cosmic-karma, a couple years ago I was minding my own business in my driveway and I felt the sting of a bee-bee shot to the leg. I looked over and saw the neighbor's kid (and friends) try to cram through the back patio door all at the same time. I stormed over there and gave them a piece of my mind but resisted ratting them out to their parents. Life is funny that way sometimes.
Well... I'm a lot older and a little fatter... maybe I'd do better in some sort of nuclear bomb scenario. That seems reasonable. No guns needed there right? I can meditate. I'm pretty sure I could hang out in some bomb shelter for years on end if need be. Hell, I'm an artist. I make stuff. That'll keep me busy.
But then I don't get to kill anybody, do I? Maybe that's why The Walking Dead is so omnipresent in my mind. I mean sometimes, my phone AND my computer don't do exactly what I want IMMEDIATELY and I tap on the keyboard/screen aggressively and successively, in the hopes that maybe it didn't know my oily finger was giving it a command. IT SHOULD KNOW. IT SHOULD WORK. There's a moment, sometime after I've tapped 100 times... it's at that moment, when I realize it's just not gonna work, that I start rapping my finger on it harder and harder.
That's the moment that I really wish I was in The Walking Dead and I could just plow my fist through a walker's skull like it's puddy.
Maybe that should come with all computers. A zombie. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Alternatively, I could just set up a punching bag next to my computer so I can start working on my technique before the zombie apocalypse comes. 'Cause when shit hits the fan, I wanna be ready.
And if that doesn't work... I have long legs.
Landon R. Wilson
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